During this week, when so much attention is turned toward husbands and wives, and
boyfriends and girlfriends, we would like to offer some advice to those who are
currently not married and praying for their future mate. I spent the
first fifty-two years of my life by myself and I'm not going to tell you it was
always easy being alone or patiently waiting. Some weeks I prayed daily
for God to reveal my mate to me, and sometimes I prayed more than once a day.
Whenever I entered a ministry service or event, I often wondered,
"Is 'she' (the 'one') going to be here?" And, I couldn't even
tell you how many times I would hear well-meaning people come up to me and say
things like, "Brother, God must really be preparing some amazing girl for
you" or, "When you meet 'the one', you'll know it!"
Day after day, month after month, year after year,
and decade after decade, though I was not really consumed with finding 'her', I
couldn't seem to silence the voices in my head. Like a pesky little brother
Mom makes you take with you wherever you go, voices would sound off at every
turn, questioning, "Is she here? Is she? Is she??"
Each time those annoying voices started up again, all I could think was,
"If only I could get my hands on those little suckers... !"
There I was: a successful minister
at a great church; had my dream football career; toured and recorded with my
own band; and I could go on and on... the guy everyone always said seemed like
the one who has it all together! And, for years, because all of my
friends were married, I ate in restaurants alone, left the church alone on
Sundays, attempted to silence the deafening loneliness at home by tuning in to watch
the football games, and, along the way, I all-but begged God to reveal to me
just what was wrong with me so I could work on changing it.
Well, there came a day when I came up with
a plan to try and out-smart the voices of loneliness and feelings of inadequacy.
I thought to myself, "I will convince myself that I was born without
'the marriage gene'! That would surely
shut those voices up!" To my disappointment, just like every other thing
I tried to do on my own, my plan didn't work.
The voices continued.
By the time I was about forty years old, I decided
that, if I can't shut 'em up, I'll flood 'em out, with God's written Word!
That was the very BEST decision I have ever made in my life!! I
began seeking God and meditating on His Word, with a greater diligence than I
ever had before. It was only then that the voices went from deafening, to
annoying, to tolerable-like whispers... at least for the most part.
Finally, I learned that "I" had to stop
dwelling on things that were not of God, like TV shows. Realizing just how destructive and suggestive
primetime television programming was becoming, I knew I had to do something
about that. So I called the cable company, and cancelled it!
If you truly want a Godly mate, there are a few
things I can share, from my own personal experience, that really helped me
prepare for the day that God allowed me to meet Brenda. I encourage you
to practice what I endearingly call "The Tried-and-Proven 5-Step
Prep" laid out below. And there's
no better time to start than now, this Valentine's Day week.
1) Turn the TV off!
If you look to Hollywood to set your expectations for a mate, loneliness
will remain your companion. Recognize that unreal, or unreasonable,
expectations rob us from receiving, not only our peace but, every good thing
Jesus Christ wants us to have. Having said that, I am in no way
suggesting you compromise yourself by settling for someone who you know does
not know and love God wholeheartedly. After all, marriage was not man's
idea, it's God's, and it will NOT function correctly with-out (on the outside
of) God and His Word. ~Never forget this: Without GOD... it's NOT
Holy Matrimony.~
2) YOU cannot "FIX 'em"! If
you think you can change someone, you are deceived, and brace yourself for a
torturous ride. Only Christ Jesus has the power to change the human
heart. Marriage is not a 50/50 arrangement; it's a 100/100 commitment.
So, relax! Trust God to introduce you to a "Godly
possibility." I must warn you, however. Just because someone,
in an attempt to win your heart, says they are a Christian, it doesn't mean
they are! Standing in a church building on Sunday makes someone a
Christian about as much as standing in a garage makes you a car. As a
safeguard for us, Jesus says in Matthew 7:15-20, “Beware of false prophets, who come
to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men
gather grapes from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit,
but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good
tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is
cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore
by their fruits you will know them."
3) Prepare for what you are praying for. You
do NOT want to meet the prepared, you being unprepared. Diligently seek
God. Become the kind of person that you've been asking God to bring to you.
Be passionate about, and in love with, God and His Word. And do
everything as God and His Word tells you to. Look in the mirror. Do
you dress, and carry yourself, in the same way that you have envisioned your
future mate will? If not, change it! *You can't BE something you're
NOT, but you can BECOME something you're NOT.* I once heard it said that
"'Insanity' is doing the same thing over and over each day, while expecting
different results."
4) You don't get married because you
NEED to; You get married because you WANT to! And you'll never have the
"want-to" until you don't have the "need-to."
5) Finally, a person does not achieve
"singleness" simply by being "unmarried" or
"alone". Singleness is the
most important part of a human's life and it must be pursued, not avoided! In order for an individual to qualify as
"single" and, in turn, ready for marriage, he or she must first
develop themselves clearly as being these 3 things:
"SEPARATE":
NEEDING nobody else in order to feel complete **GOD
created you as one of a kind. You are Designer-made!**
"UNIQUE":
DISTINCT from everybody else **When
you imitate someone else, the value you possess gets lost!**
"WHOLE":
BEING the somebody you are all by yourself **What
lies behind us ... and what lies ahead of us ... are tiny compared to what lies
in us! **
So, before you are ready for marriage, you must
first become "single." Only when you become "single"
will you be ready for marriage. Becoming "Separate, Unique, and
Whole" within yourself should be your goal; not "becoming married."
The moral of this blog message is, no matter what
you've done, no matter where you've been in this life, the dreams you've
carried since you were a child (to be joined in Holy Matrimony with the most
loving and compatible life-long mate) can only be fulfilled by the Author and Proprietor
of Marriage - God, Himself.
Thank you for downloading this blog and we pray
you enjoy a wonderfully blessed and happy Valentine's Day, all year long!
IN Christ Jesus, Keith (and Brenda)
IN Christ Jesus, Keith (and Brenda)
To be "alone", is not
the same thing as it is to be "single".
Which is God's Plan: "Loneliness" or
"Singleness"?
What does God's Word
say about each?
To Show GOD BIG in a World that Sees Him small… sums up the reason Keith stepped out in faith to focus on
reaching the lost and strengthening believers everywhere, through Toward The
Mark, Inc. Keith and Brenda's prayer is
that you will be encouraged and edified by the Secrets from God's Word that we
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