SINGLE-NESS: “the most important part of an original human..." whether married or unmarried.
We have a faith-building nugget of wisdom that we believe will prove to be as valuable to you as it has been to our family members and ministry friends and acquaintances. You may be surprised to know that, in our 40+ years of experience, we have seen many more guys and ladies come to ask us to join with them in prayer and waiting for God to introduce them to their life-mate than those who “celebrate single-ness”. Firstly, for anyone not familiar with us as a ministry couple, I (Keith) spent fifty-two years of my life unmarried and learning how to attain “single-ness”.
Like many or even most unmarried individuals, we can honestly tell you it is not easy to be alone or to be patient all the time when we wait for God to answer our prayers. For me (Keith), some weeks I prayed every day asking God to reveal my mate to me. Some weeks I prayed for God to introduce her to me at certain ministry events or church services. I often walked in quietly wondering, "Is 'she' going to be here?" I couldn't even tell you how many well-meaning people would come up to me to say things like, "God must be preparing a really amazing girl for you" or "Don’t worry because, when you finally meet her, you’ll just know she’s 'the one'!"
Week after week, month after month, year after year, and decade after decade, I couldn't seem to silence the voices in my head although I lived an active, busy life that was not really consumed with "finding her". No matter where I went, like a pesky little brother that your mom makes you take along with you wherever you want to go, those annoying voices would sound off asking questions like, "Is she here?… Is she? Is she??" Each time the voices started up again, I thought to myself, "If I could just get my hands on those loud rascals... !"
There I was, a minister at a great church, a dream football career, a dream music career that led me to start The Keith Shealy Band for touring and recording my own songs, a great group of young adults learning to lead like Jesus,... I could go on and on. I was the guy who, people so-often said, "had it all together". Little did they know that, because all of my friends were married, I spent years eating alone in restaurants, coming home from the Church alone, watching Sunday afternoon football games alone, and doing everything I could think of to help to silence the deafening screams of loneliness. I would all-but beg God to tell me what it was that was wrong with me so I could change it. All I wanted was for God to help prepare me for meeting the lady I was praying for.
Well, the day came when I just knew I finally had a plan that would silence those voices of loneliness. I decided I would out-smart the voices by convincing myself that I was born without 'the marriage gene'! I thought to myself that t-h-a-t will surely shut those voices down.
I admit, to my disappointment, my plan did not work at all. Just like every other thing I tried doing “on my own” I had no success to speak of. The voices continued.
By the time I turned forty years old, I knew that those voices won't just shut up. That’s when I finally decided to drown 'em out with God's written Word! That was the very BEST decision I had ever made in my life up to that point!!
I began to seek God and meditate on His written and spoken Word, and with great diligence like never before. It was only then that the volume of those voices, which I knew were not God’s, lowered... From deafening, to annoying, to tolerable-like whispers, at least for the most part.
Finally, I learned that "I" had to stop dwelling on things that were not of God... like most TV shows. I finally stopped to realize how destructive and suggestive most prime-time television programs had become. I knew that I had to do something about that. So, I called the cable company and canceled my TV cable!
1) Turn off the TV! If you look to Hollywood to set your expectations for a mate, loneliness will remain your companion. Recognize that unreal, or unreasonable, expectations rob us from, not only our peace but, every good thing Jesus Christ wants us to have. Having said that, I am in no way suggesting that you, or any individual, compromise yourself by settling for someone who you know doesn’t go after God, doesn’t love God wholeheartedly, or doesn’t want to know God’s Word,Will, and Ways. Besides, marriage is God’s original idea, not man's idea. And it will NOT function correctly with-out (on the outside of) God and His Word. ~Never forget: WithOUT GOD... it is NOT Holy Matrimony.~
2) YOU cannot "FIX 'em"! If you think you can change someone, you are deceived. Brace yourself for a tumultuous ride. Only Christ Jesus has the power to change a human heart. Marriage is not a 50/50 arrangement; it's a 100/100 commitment. So, relax! Trust God to introduce you to "a God-blessed possibility." We must warn you, however, to beware of someone attempting to win your affection with words like, "But I am a Christian." Take time to "watch" for "the fruit" of their life! Standing in a church building on Sunday or Wednesday makes someone a Christian about as much as your standing in a garage makes you a car. As a safeguard for us, Jesus teaches in Matthew 7:15-20, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore
by their fruits you will know them."
3) Prepare for what you are praying for. We do NOT want to meet the prepared... unprepared. Diligently seek God. Become the kind of person that you've been asking God to bring to you. Be passionate about, and in love with, God and His Word, His Will, and His Ways. And do everything as God and His Word tells us to... ‘F’ully ‘R’ely ‘O’n ‘G’od (FROG). Be sure you take a look in the mirror. Do you dress, and carry yourself, with the same quality and dignity that you expect in your life-mate? If not, you can change it! Remember, it’s all about achieving “single-ness” by “preparing for ‘the prepared’”. Otherwise: it’s “insanity” that does the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. Good news… *You can't BE something you're NOT, but you can BECOME something you're NOT.*
4) In the wisdom of the late Dr. Myles Munroe, "You don't get married because you NEED to; You get married because you WANT to! And you'll never have ‘the want-to' until you don't have ‘the need-to'."
5) Finally, in many of our churches today, the word "single" is synonymous with "unmarried." That is, in fact, a very deceptive, demonic revelation. The truth is, in order for a person to achieve "single-ness” there is a process by which he or she becomes a "Separate, Unique, and Whole" person! That is a “truly single” individual, whether married or unmarried. "Single-ness" is a crucially important part of a human being and it must be “pursued”! In order for an individual to qualify in “single-ness”, being “the prepared” for marriage, he or she must first become "Separate, Unique, and Whole"! That means, a person should never consider getting married until they have become truly single first. Only one who becomes "truly single" can qualify as “the prepared” for marriage. Becoming "truly single" can only be achieved through Jesus Christ by the tutelage and leading of The Holy Spirit. We cannot do it without Him. Becoming "Separate, Unique, and Whole" should be the goal; not "becoming married."
About twelve years after God and I walked together “preparing for 'the prepared'", God allowed me to meet Brenda on the wonder-full SuperBowl Sunday ever, in 2008! From that day on, Brenda and I both “Celebrate SINGLE-ness.” In fact, the more "single" each of us has become, the sweeter our marriage has become, experiencing the blessed fruit of God's Holy Spirit with each passing year... “But the fruit of The Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law (Galatians 5:22-23).”
Love, hope, joy, and fulfillment comes with single-ness, along with so much more i-n God. We have received countless gifts and blessings from The LORD... from our 2 1/2 year courtship, to our wedding “in Holy Matrimony” by Pastors Clay and Dee Davis who have spiritually covered me since 1979, to our life-long prayers, hopes, and dreams coming true in our lives, even to this day.
Before any of us can be truly ready for marriage, we must first achieve "single-ness." Only becoming successful at "single-ness" prepares us for success in marriage. “Being Separate, Unique, and Whole" is the goal... not just to be married.
Relax and trust The LORD, He is our Rest! Release any and all unreal or unreasonable expectations... of marriage, God, and others. When we make that first, and each consecutive, step toward Him Who fashioned us, He reaches back and works *with* us, "Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you… (James 4:8)." Concerning the popular belief that God chooses your mate for you, there's a quote from the late Dr. Myles Munroe to clear that misled idea right up... "God knows, better than anyone, how we often change our minds, so he won’t choose our mate for us in order that we can’t blame Him for a mate we later decide was a bad choice." Instead, He will put someone 'on display' for you and leave you with your will to make your own choice. ~Once you daily pursue ONEness with God, your wisdom and understanding *in Him* changes everything! Your focus on working *with God* will lead you beyond your greatest expectations! Watch and see!!!"~
"SEPARATE": SET-APART from everyone else **Created by God as the one-of-a-kind, Designer-made, individual YOU!**
"UNIQUE":
DISTINCT from everybody else **Needing no-thing and no-body in order to feel valued!**
"WHOLE":
100% COMPLETE all by yourself **What lies behind and what lies ahead changes by what lies within! **
Always remember that, no matter what we've done or where we've been in this life, our dreams for a loving marriage we have carried from the time of our childhood can and will only be fulfilled by God, The Author and Proprietor of Marriage, Himself... if we will believe and trust in Him.
Your friends and servants in Christ Jesus,
...and the entire Team of Toward The Mark, Inc.
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Keith Shealy and TowardTheMark, Inc has been serving God and His Church since 1980. For anyone who wants to partner with us, to show GOD Big in a world that sees Him small, we welcome you... Not because I desire a gift: but I desire fruit that may abound to your account (Philippians 4:17). ...The LORD gave the word: great was the company of those that published it (Psalm 68:11)